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While contemplating the gloom of days and months past,the morning’s fresh rays of sun force me to look up.
It is much easier to let ourselves be drowned by the weather, dulled by inertia into inaction.
But now the days are numbered, and I must move on.
There is no machine quite like boredom and emotion to force us to scrape off accumulated rust.
I’ll be a student again soon! Who would have known?
I only decided early this February, out of panic, that something must be done.
And here I am, scrambling to pack my bags.
As always, I’ll see you when I see you.
Whoever you are, my dear reader, all these years of rambling.
Uniqlo sweater tee and jeans, Adidas sneakers, Penguin tote
Photography by Jullian Mendoza
Two of my colleagues were scolding me for not taking touristy picturesin front of the sites and places I visited and frequented in London.
I even brought a tripod, which I wasn’t even able to fully utilize(used it once, but I wasn’t satisfied so I gave up).All I have are these random selfies in front of an unidentifiable mirror.
Can you blame me if my penchant for anonymity kicked in,if I preferred to savor experiences and stored them in my memory instead of on Instagram(though, I did take photos on my visual diary IG account).
But you know, during my most memorable moments in London(this was my first time to go there),I had to follow my instinct and put the camera down.Who knows where the impressions I have stored will turn up?In words, in poetry, who can tell?But most certainly they have altered the way I see (through) things.
Uniqlo puffer, sweater, and shirt
Well, hello. It’s been almost two months.Time surely flies especially when you’ve invested yourself in a change of plan.
I’m less than one week away from my first international flight this year. Of course, I’m giddy.
But what I am more excited/apprehensive about is the arrival (or not)of news that will hopefully change the course of this path.
These cameos were taken weeks ago, which, as always, feel a lifetime away.As before, I have had just had my hair cut.
I have put so many things on hold for a fling of fate.
I hope things work out.
A change of scene has been long overdue.
In the midst of it all, things haven’t appeared to have undergone any transformation.
That’s why I am worried. The healthy are wary of the sick,the same way that the active avoid atrophy. Wish me luck!
Uniqlo t-shirt and jeans, belt from an Italian market, 5cm bomber jacker, Dr Martens shoes, Tissot watchCameo photographs by Jullian Mendoza
Aside from the random cheap pair of sunglasses that I easily break or forget I ever had,I have never really been a sunnies kind of person.
Sure, it’s very sunny in my side of the tropics, and the glare off glass and seawaterare bad for the eyes, but I’ve always found them cumbersome.
I guess it helps that I don’t drive, or that as a passenger, I’m always curious about my surroundings.
I’ve always wanted to see things free of their trappings.
I have always been wary of any kind of illusion.
But even I can get tired and would rather hide from the truth.
It’s a characteristic of very private people never to flash their full deck of cards.
I guess shades are my way of hiding in plain sight.
Of letting other people see their own reflections instead of allowing them to peer into mine.
Yeah, I know, this is the age of the internet and social media, where nothing can be hidden.
But I prefer to step back and fade into the noise of the background.
Not that I have nothing to hide – there will come a time when all will be revealed.
Or it can also be that I haven’t really figured out for myself what I have to say will actually say.
There is time yet to be elusive and invisible.
There will always be something empty to utter, much more to withhold.
As Seamus Heaney said, “If you have the words, there’s always a chance that you’ll find the way.”
Especially when there’s nothing we can hold on to, we have speech.
We have within and between us ever new ways of seeing.
Uniqlo jacket and belt, Levi’s jeans, SM Surplus shirt, Dirk Bikkembergs boots, Thom Browne sunglasses Cameo photographs by Jullian Mendoza
After a day of errands – can’t you tell by how I’m still dressed come evening? –I was able to watch La La Land. While many may find fault in the lack of the singers’and the film’s musicality, something tugged at the heart.
The scene in question was of course Mia’s audition.Madmen can relate, especially one who hasn’t even dared give his all.
No, it’s not what you think. As usual, I’m still stuck in the middle of things.
Soon, soon, the promises I’ve made to myself will have a chance to be tested.There will be a time to dive and swoon.
Uniqlo t-shirt, shorts from Bangkok, Topman cardigan, Asics trainers
Photography by Jullian Mendoza